CODE NAME: ENIGMA

Hello and how do you do?

I believe the theory of evolution. Any species evolves into a greater one. Why is it so, that man has stagnated? There is a being higher than the current Homo sapiens - a being much more intelligent, more resourceful and much more powerful.

It is high time man moved on. But man is obstinate and lazy. He will want to stagnate. He has attained a comfort zone, sitting on a fat, round ass, waiting for destiny to throw Treasure Island up in his face. People want fast money, fast ladies and a slow life. Evolution doesn’t quite work that way. Old life gives way to new blood. For me, you have to be a higher being to move on. It’s like, everyone wants to play cricket. Chess matters to no one.

But it does to me…

Churchgate station - 5:25 p.m.

A bespectacled man, with sharp features and a gaunt frame, walked towards the train. He was wearing a sherwani suit, was quite fair, and looked pretty disinterested in the sea of people who were collecting around him to board the train.

It was an unusually hot day. The train seemed pretty empty. He opened his magnetic chess box, and started playing.

“Mind if I join?”

He looked towards the man. Interesting species, he thought. A fat man in a tight-fitting tee. This was going to be fun.

“I’ve never lost before. Never. Only I can defeat myself.”

The fat man looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Not only a tight-fitting tee, he had an interesting pair of jeans. Add to that a double chin, eyes out of sockets, no hair and an ‘Americanised’ accent. It seemed that the old guy was trying to be ‘cool’. And from the looks on the other commuter’s faces, it seemed he had eaten their brains out already. And the train had just started.

“You probably haven’t met your match yet, my boy.”

The bespectacled man smiled. “Better start off – I’ve already made my first move.” He pointed at the board, where the white pawn was already 2 places ahead.

Black pawn ahead. “That’s conventional” remarked the bespectacled man. “Here, have this.” He put his horse ahead of the pawn. The fat man put another pawn ahead to challenge the horse. The game moved ahead in this fashion, with the fat man using all his pawns, but eventually the bespectacled man managed to bring him down using only his horses and castles. The pawns were almost stationary.

Eventually, the black king, and a couple of black pawns were all that was left. Almost all the major white pieces were intact, although only one pawn was left. The fat man was sweating.

“Let’s make this interesting. We’ve played pretty fast. It’s only 5:33. Another five minutes and we’ll be at Mumbai Central. You’ve taken almost all my pawns, and I’ve taken almost all your pieces. You have five minutes – if you manage to survive till then, then I let you go. Or else, if you lose, you have to do what I tell you to do. Agreed?”

“W-w-what…” the fat man was really scared.

“S-s-s-s-h-h-h… the clock is ticking. Make your move old man!” the other people in the compartment were watching the game with interest.

He moved his king sideways, shielding them with the pawns. He kept looking at his watch. 3 minutes to go. The bespectacled man removed one of his pawns with his horse. “Check…” he said. Mumbai Central station arrived. There was a huge sigh of relief from the fat man. Both men exchanged a handshake.

The fat man had enough. He got off the train, and wiped the sweat of his forehead. He looked at his handkerchief, and there was a small drop of blood on it. He quizzically looked at his hand, and sure enough, there was a small, red dot. He looked back at the train, which was already on its way. Everything around him started to blur and fade away. He fell, face-down on the platform, and a crowd gathered around.

Meanwhile, in the train, our friend continued his dialogue, “…and mate!” The king was knocked out.

Dadar marketplace - 5:50 p.m.

The marketplace at Dadar was busy. Vendors were having a field day with their fruits and vegetables. One particular vendor though, seemed to be outselling the others. All he had was apples and oranges. A likely combination!

“Come and have the choicest of fruits! Apples and oranges! Reasonable rates! Come one, come all!”

It was reasonable to the point of being fishy. Just yesterday, buying these fruits was almost impossible, with rates touching the sky. Today, it was Rs. 20 for a DOZEN apples (NEGOTIABLE) and Re. 1 for every orange!

The vendor was a dark fellow, thin, with a thick jowl and eyes almost hidden behind those pieces of flesh we call eyelids. He had a strange body structure: plump face with an almost emaciated body. But he certainly new how to draw customers to his shop, even though his knowledge of economics was certainly not quite the level of Amartya Sen. He probably believed in the law of ATTRACTION more than anything else. A passer by who noticed this asked the fruit seller:

“Why are the prices so low? I think I smell a rat somewhere…”

“What are you saying sir? Then why would people come and buy from me? These are unique apples and oranges you won’t find anywhere else sir!”

“Why… what is so unique about them? And you don’t seem to be making any money! The ultimate objective of life is to earn money to survive, isn’t it?”

“Money is not important to me sir! My goal is to enable the people to enjoy the choicest, unique fruits. I can challenge you: no where will you find such fruits! Call me a philanthropist if you wish…Eat one yourself and decide sir!”

“You know you speak pretty good English for a fruit vendor…” he was getting suspicious.

“Why do you think it’s only YOU guys who can speak English? Why? Anyway, do you want the fruits, or not?”

“I don’t mind really. Give me half a dozen apples and oranges.”

The vendor gave it to him for free, “This is because we had such a nice discussion.”

“What?” Just as he was about to put forth another set of questions, he noticed that there was some commotion at Dadar station. Everyone ran towards the station. It was known that a man had fallen dead at Mumbai Central for no apparent reason. High alert was called for at all railway stations.

He then realised that somebody behind him was choking. Turning around, he saw a man with an apple in one hand, and the other hand clutching the throat.

Suddenly, the same thing happened to another lady. She was having a juicy orange.

Both of them fell flat on the platform.

The man rushed towards the fruit vendor.

There was no one there. Only an open stall of apples and oranges.

Andheri station - 6:25 p.m.

There was a long queue in front of the ATM at the entrance of the Andheri station. Third in line was a thin, old man, wearing thick spectacles, but yet standing tall. He seemed to be healthy for his age.

Suddenly a young ruffian came in his way and took his place in the queue.

“Young man, what do you think you’re doing?”

“Aye uncle! Please keep your lectures and your preaching to yourself. Bloody old laggard… I’ve got to go to an important place, and I’m sure my work is more important than yours!”

“Son, that’s no way to speak to a man your father’s age!”

“Oh yeah, you can take a walk old man.” His cell phone rang. “Hi sweetheart! Yeah I’m getting the money and reaching in 15 minutes, don’t worry. Love you babe!”

“That’s not…”

Before he could speak up, the ruffian turned around and caught the old man by the collar. “Hey old fag, I don’t have time for your shit. You’re getting on my nerves.”

The old man didn’t say anything. He allowed the ruffian to get ahead of him. No other person came to his rescue. Not even the watchman.

The young guy entered the ATM. As he took his cash and wanted to come out, he found that the door was stuck. “GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

No matter how many people tried, the door would not budge.

Since it was a tough glass door, an axe was brought to take it down. The moment the policemen swished the axe at the door, the axe flew off its hilt and smashed the glass door with great force. That force took a glass piece straight into the young man’s heart, and the axe smack on that glass piece. It ruptured a hole in his heart and he died on the spot.

There was panic at the station. Everyone was running around.

Only one man was smiling. The old man. As there was chaos around him, he went up to the axe and examined his handiwork. As his work was done, he slowly walked out of the station, and caught a rickshaw.

CASE SO FAR – The police and intelligentsia are absolutely baffled. They came to the conclusion that this was the work of a well-networked gang, until 2 months later after the deaths; they received a note from an anonymous source. It went like this:

Hello and how do you do?

I believe the theory of evolution. Any species evolves into a greater one. Why is it so, that man has stagnated? There is a being higher than the current Homo sapiens - a being much more intelligent, more resourceful and much more powerful.

It is high time man moved on. But man is obstinate and lazy. He will want to stagnate. He has attained a comfort zone, sitting on a fat, round ass, waiting for destiny to throw Treasure Island up in his face. People want fast money, fast ladies and a slow life. Evolution doesn’t quite work that way. Old life gives way to new blood. For me, you have to be a higher being to move on. It’s like, everyone wants to play cricket. Chess matters to no one.

But it does to me…

I want to create a Utopian world. A world where people understand values, where people understand the value of life. Not a world where people are at each others throats, suspecting and envying each other on every count.

I would rather like it if you helped me in my endeavour.

Otherwise, I shall do it alone… ALL ALONE. Just for your records: I caused ALL the railway station deaths 2 months ago. I will continue. Maybe not at a railway station, but yes, I will continue until I’ve cleaned the world of this riff-raff.

Welcome to my world,

CODE NAME ENIGMA

THREE'S COMPANY... TWO FOR A LIFETIME

(A man was alone in a dark room. He had an airplane ticket in one hand and a pistol in the other.)

Saturday, September 15, 2007 – This was it, D-Day. Both Rahul and Smita were sitting in the room, trying to speak to each other, contemplating the future. Almost 7 years of being into each other, and yet they were unsure.

“7 years Smita, 7 years. Are you trying to tell me that it has gone waste?”

“No. Certainly not. I am only saying you could have handled this better. You know better than I do that I cannot and will not spend the rest of my life with anyone but you. Thanks to the circumstances…”

“Circumstances eh? What happened to all that LOVE of yours hah? Ok, I do agree we were separated by distance. But I used to call you, come over whenever possible and we’ve shared some lovely moments together! Even you cannot deny that fact Smita, and you cannot take those moments away from me!”

“I’m not, and I won’t. It’s just that…”

“Yeah it’s just that Mr. Ka…”

Just at that moment Karan walks into the room.

(The man in the dark room takes the gun up and keeps the ticket down)

“Sorry I’m late. I had to…”

“Yeah right, MR. KARAN. Always having excuses. Always late, never on time.”

“Maybe I was late you bloody… (Looks gingerly at Smita) you know Rahul, maybe I was late, but I beat you to it! Fair and square!” saying this he pointed towards Smita.

“Beat you to it? BEAT you to it? Yeah right, an innocent girl comes from a small town to a big city, and you guys see her as easy prey. Unfortunately, I had faith in my 7 years of love. I thought she’d see some sense…” Rahul falls away.

“Easy prey? EASY PREY? Goddamn you I love Smita! And she’s no baby – she’s 21 if you’ve not realised. Why do you always bring your SEVEN YEARS OF LOVE into the picture? Haven’t you ever realised that what I’ve done in less than a year for her has probably far outweighed what you could muster in 7 years? I am not even binding her to some contract like you are! 7 years… codswallop”

Smita was getting restless. “Guys I think we’ve come here…”

Karan intervened, “No Smita, not today. You will not come in between us. We need to settle our differences man-to-man.”

Smita winced, “But…”

Karan caught her hand and said, “Trust me”

“Take your hand off her!” roared Rahul.

“Why? She doesn’t seem to mind do you Smita?”

Smita just kept silent. Karan said, “Ok, I do not understand what your silence means, so…”

Rahul pounced on this, “SEE? In one year you cannot understand her feelings. I know that she means no when she’s silent!”

Smita, “NO RAHUL… my silence doesn’t mean that! I’m just waiting for you guys to finish your babble! And please let me say what I have to! Please!”

Now it was Karan’s turn, “Dear oh dear… even seven years hasn’t done you much good eh?”

(The man in the room keeps the gun down, and picks up the ticket)

Smita had enough. “Now it’s MY turn! I will do the talking! Please guys, I have had enough trouble trying to make truce between the both of you. I know this is all my fault – I probably shouldn’t have come here in the first place. Or even if I did…” she looked at Karan, “… I should have kept myself back. Now it’s an awkward situation for everybody. I’m really sorry guys. But we’ve come here to settle differences and make a decision. And I think the decision has been made.”

Now it was Karan’s turn to get hot-headed. “Really, Smita? Do you think the decision has REALLY been made?”

“Karan, you know that I can’t stay here any more. My folks back home are suspicious, and thank God, I at least told Rahul about our relationship or things would have spiralled out of control even more. He took care of my folks back at home. My family and his have known about our relationship for quite a while now. The entire town back home is expecting us to get married. I don’t think I can really…”

“What if I tell you, Smita, that I am ready to stand up to your folks? What if I’m ready to face society for you? What if I tell you I can put everything on the line? You STILL would choose Rahul?” Karan was tense.

“Karan, please understand one thing – it’s not that I’ve stopped loving Rahul or anything. He’s also given me his time, and even he’s ready to do anything for me…”

“But you still love me don’t you?”

Silence from Smita. “Now Mr. Rahul translator, please translate THIS silence for me?”

Rahul smirked and said, “That’s what I’m saying. You guys in the city think it’s a joke and you put the girl through such turmoil that…”

“Turmoil? TURMOIL? What we’ve shared in the last one year has been TURMOIL, Smita?”

Again, a scared silence from Smita. “What do you mean by that Smita? What exactly do you…?”

“KARAN PLEASE!” Smita started sobbing. “Don’t put me through this. You… you just have to forget me. Keep no memories of me, Karan. I have to go back. I cannot take this any more...” she started crying.

“What do you mean Smita? You came into this relationship of your own accord! You yourself told me that whenever you’d come to me with your problems, and I would help you out, you always wished you’d been here rather than there all your life. You said I was the one you were always looking for! I gave you all the support and friendship through your hard times here, and now when I ask you for your support, all I get in return is SILENCE? Now tell me what you’re putting ME through, Smita!”

(The man picks up the gun, and looks at the ticket and the gun in his hands)

Rahul got up and went towards Karan, “Hello, hello, please stop all this nonsense! Don’t you dare ever speak to her like that! Didn’t you hear her? She’s had enough of you! Now she wants to come back with me and live the rest of her life happily!” he almost caught Karan’s collar.

Karan just laughed slightly, “Before you make me come after you, let me ask you a simple question, man-to-man? Are you ever going to be satisfied or relieved your entire life, that a girl who doesn’t REALLY love you, who’s married you for the sake of society, will always love another man, that’s ME?”

Rahul was livid, “She doesn’t LOVE YOU!! She’s just confused!”

Karan laughed again, “Yeah right, a convenient excuse. Confused. A 21-year old not being able to take a decision on her own life. That’s rich. Or, not being ALLOWED to take a decision, should I say?” Both had each other’s collars in their hands now.

Smita, who was still in tears, separated them, “Both of you have never really understood me have you? You know I can’t see you fight, and still you go at each others throats, right in front of me!”

Karan now looked at Smita, “Smita, this is your one big chance. Here, I have a ticket that goes to the US tonight, where I’ve just landed the most incredible job. We’ll never have to see his face again Smita. We can go to the USA, settle down there and we’ll be safe and secure all our lives.”

(The man again puts the gun down, and looks intensely at the ticket)

Rahul was quick to retaliate, “Smita, you know that your father suffers from diabetes. Your mum has a lot of expectation from you…”

Karan spoke in between, “…learn to eviscerate these bonds as you move on in life Smita. This life is yours, and no one, not even your parents…”

“…I will be the laughing stock of the entire town, your parents won’t be able to bear the pressure…”, “…I’ll take care of your parents for you if you want…”, “It’s YOUR LIFE, YOUR LIFE…”, “…aren’t you indebted to your parents and relations back home?...”

“PLEASE STOP!” Smita had really had enough. “You guys will never understand me, and you’ll keep going at each other. Now I will take the final decision.”

Karan wanted to say something, but Smita stopped him, “Karan, I know we’ve had lovely moments here to ourselves, but eventually I must conform to the norms of my society. Rahul has given me 7 years of his life, and he’s always taken the best care of me. My parents believe that this is the boy I’m marrying. If I suddenly turn up with you, everyone’s going to have a bad impression. Neither Rahul nor my parents deserve it. If you’re worrying about how I’ll manage, don’t worry. Rahul’s love and your memories are good enough for me. And don’t ever think I’ll ever forget you Karan… I never will.”

“It’s easy for you to say that, after one year… you don’t realise what you’re doing to me, Smita…” now Karan was almost in tears.

(The man puts the ticket down and buries his face in his hands)

Rahul now said, “Imagine my plight, after 7 years in a relationship, my girl wants to be with someone else. I guess no one has even thought about that. Have YOU ever loved anyone 7 years Karan? Have YOU ever been ditched? Do YOU know how it feels?”

Karan looked into his eyes and said, “Yes Rahul, before Smita, I was in a relationship that almost drove me to the brink of suicide. So don’t you dare talk to me about this seven-year shit. When Smita came into my life, I thought things would change. But well, I guess I’m destined to be the loser all the time. This conversation was of no use. I was the outsider all the time.”
Rahul and Smita both got up, “Karan, please don’t say that. You will always, always hold a special place in my heart… right now though, I’ve got to go. You’ve got a great job in the US, and I’m so happy for you. I’m sure you’ll find a better girl than me, Karan.”

Karan just half-smiled, “That’s what all the girls say when they want to ditch a guy. Yeah, I’m always the ditched one, the spare piece, the rank outsider…” saying this he suddenly laughs.

Rahul then said, “Hey, we’ve had enough. You’ve a plane to catch, and we’ve a train to catch. Both of us have to catch something FAST. So long, it’s been nice knowing you, bye!”

Karan was fuming. “Ignore him Karan,” said Smita. She hugged him one last time, and put a piece of paper in his pocket. “I love you Karan, and I’m sure you’ll be able to do well without me. Here’s wishing you all the best in life.” She pecked him on the cheek.

Karan then said, “I don’t know about the ‘doing well without me’ part… heck I don’t even know if I’ll be able to make it tonight. But ok, love you too Smita, hope you and Rahul have a great life together. I’ll be on my way… for good…”

(Returning to the man in the dark room, he takes out his face from his hands. The lights come on, and we see Karan. He takes out the paper Smita slipped into his pocket, and puts it on the table between the ticket and the gun. These were its contents: DEAR KARAN, YOU ARE MY LOVE AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE. THERE’S NO WAY I CAN STOP LOVING YOU. BUT WE’VE GOT TO REALISE THAT AT TIMES IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A TOUGH DECISION FOR THE BETTER. I WASN’T AS STRONG AS YOU TO TAKE ON THE WORLD KARAN, AND I CAN NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THAT. BUT YOU MUST REALISE THE PAIN AND SUFFERING MY PARENTS WOULD HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH. THEY’VE GIVEN ME EVERYTHING IN LIFE, AND I COULD NOT BREAK THEIR HEARTS FOR MY WHIMS AND FANCIES. I HOPE YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. BEFORE SIGNING OFF, I JUST WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU ONE THING KARAN: LOVE HAPPENS ONLY ONCE. THE REST IS JUST LIFE. YOUR JANU, SMITA. Karan now looked at the ticket, the piece of paper and the gun. He had a decision to make. 4 hours to a new life, with the memories of Smita, or 4 seconds to end this miserable, lonely life. He looked at the ticket, the gun, and the piece of paper one last time and his hand reached out to take one of them…)

DON – ALL FOR A SAPPHIRE, A SAPPHIRE FOR ALL…

“Ah!” exclaimed Don. “Be careful, careful… I am the most wanted man in the world! Don’t you know DOCTOR??”

“Yes Don, I’m doing my best. Don’t worry, these are minor bruises. It’ll take some time to heal though. Some weeks maybe.”

“We do need to hurry up doctor. We have very important business deals coming up! Time and tide wait for no man!”

“DON SAMAY KA INTEZAAR NAHI KARTA… SAMAY DON KA INTEZAAR KARTA HAI.”

(Don doesn’t wait for time… but time waits for the Don)

Saying this in his trademark nonchalant style, the Don got up.

“Don’t worry Narang; I will be present at the deals. The doctor doesn’t realise that – he’s just filled a few cuts in the DON – not his everyday patient.”

“You’re right there” said the doctor. “Not many pay me a fee of…”

“S-s-s-s-h-h-h-h doctor… don’t tell it too loud… I-T is just around the corner!”

“Huh… oh yes, yes… may I leave now?”

“Of course! Please do! Be my guest!”

As the doctor was about to leave, the Don called him back.

“Hey just turn around will you doctor? I need to tell you something!”

The doctor broke into a sweat, “Y-y-y-yes?”

“The next time… wherever you are… whenever you visit the Don… make sure you have ONLY your medical equipment with you, please?”

“H-h-u-h?”

And before he knew it, there was a bullet hole right through his head.

Narang was shocked. “DON, WHAT THE HELL…?”

“Mac, just check the side of his suitcase please…”

Sure enough, there was the tiniest of hidden cameras.

“DON KE SAATH BE-IMAANI KARNA MATLAB MAUT KE SAATH WAFADARI NIBHANA.”

(To betray the Don is as good as being loyal to death.)

The Don walked up to Narang, “Next time you hire a doctor, make sure he’s dishonest enough! At least for your sake Narang! And yes… the next time you make this mistake, I will shoot YOU, and not the doctor” said Don, smiling as he walked away.

“HE JUST SLIPS THROUGH OUR FINGERS EVERYTIME!” roared the CBI chief.

“We must admit he is smart…” was the reply of a not-so-smart officer.

“Ok, so why have you joined the CBI then, if you’re such a BLOCKHEAD!” roared Malik again.

“Now is not the time to fight… it is time to act… we need a solid plan AND a backup this time!” said Roma.

“I believe he is going to make a good deal with that sapphire…”

“…and we need to bring that back!” completed Roma. “We need to gatecrash the meeting Don is going to have with the drug lords…”

“…for that we need to know the location!” a miffed Malik quirked.

“Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I already know the place.”

Everyone was shocked. They all looked at Roma.

“Don’t stare… has it ever occurred to you that I might have a LITTLE intelligence?”

“Malaysia… but then how…”

“No Malik sir… we need to speak ALONE… the both of us only…”

“As you wish,” said Malik as they walked through to the sound-proof room.

“Sir, one of our officers is an informer for Don.”

“WHAT? How ridiculous…”

“NO! I am not being ridiculous sir… hasn’t it ever occurred to you how the Don is ALWAYS one step ahead of us, how he ALWAYS knows what our plans are?”

“Well now that you mention it…”

“Sir I need YOU… to pick just 2 more officers for this mission. 2 that YOU trust the most… because I trust YOU sir, and no one else,” Roma said with a sparkle in her eyes.

“Well, I suggest you pick officer Roshan and officer… well Seema. But they are not going to be enough for this mission! We need at least 10 or 15 more!”

“I already have full support from DCP De Silva. He will bring his troops along as well!”

“DCP De Silva? Oh Special Crime Branch of Police? Do you think he is efficient enough?”

“Sir… 15 years of dealing with gangsters… I think is testimony enough…”

“Ok Roma, I trust you. But remember one thing – I am putting the entire responsibility of this mission on you. If you fail, we both lose our heads. I hope you understand?”

“Don’t worry sir. I won’t let him off the hook this time… at ANY cost.”

“But wait… you’ve already mentioned the location…”

“I was bluffing sir… it’s not Kuala Lumpur… in fact… it is in Mumbai only! But I need complete secrecy… I need people to believe we’re looking for the Don in Kuala Lumpur.”

“Consider it done. Come out and announce your two officers, and your plans!”

“Yes sir, and one more thing…”

“…I will not take anything less for this sapphire… as you know… DON KE SAATH TOL-MOL KARNA – TUMHARE ZINDAGI KA TOL-MOL KARNE KE BARABAR HAI”

(To bargain with the Don is to bargain with your life)

“Narang please talk to this silly man – I have no time for cheap talk!”

As Narang talks with the proposed buyer, the Don was dialling another number.

The receiver was picked up by Malik.

“Who’s this?”

“DON…”

Malik made frenetic gestures for them to tap the phone call.

“Malik SAAB, it’s no use trying to tap this call; it will be of no use to you!”

“No it is – you are in Kuala Lumpur!”

“Yes very clever Malik! I want to speak to Roma… give her the phone!”

“ROMA?”

“Malik! Please do not waste time! I am also making a business deal here you know! Please give the phone to Roma!”

“What if I…” before Malik could complete, Roma took the phone from him.

She gestured to Malik to keep quiet. “Yes, Don?”

“AH… MERI JUNGLI BILLI… how are you?”

“Cut the crap Don, if you have anything important to tell me, like WHERE you are going to get the deal done, please let me know!”

“Oh yes! In fact I am going to get it done in Mumbai! You must be wondering why a madman like me is haggling for a deal in Mumbai in KUALA LUMPUR! Well, I am a bit mad, and you know that! And the location is at a premier hotel in Churchgate. NOW – I want you to stop me, if you can!”

“Don’t worry Don, we’ll be ready for you!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes Roma… but hey… if you want to gatecrash my party, I don’t want your namby-pamby police whatever on my back! You come alone! Or else…”

“OR ELSE WHAT HA DON?? WHAT??”

“Roma aunty please help me, save me please!”

“DEEPU…!!!”

“Yes Roma… oh did I forget? I met Deepu on the way to Malaysia… thought I’d take him for a ride!”

“DON YOU…”

“DON KE DUSHMAN KI SABSE BADI GALTI YEH HAI… KI WHO DON KE DUSHMAN HAI… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

(The biggest mistake of Don’s enemies… is that they’re Don’s enemies)

“So in case you don’t want me to make a mistake with Deepu… you better don’t make a mistake with the cops ah!”

The phone was disconnected… then there was a long silence…

“Don – this time… I’ll make sure… I will KILL you!”

The chase continues!

DON – THE CHASE CONTINUES… AGAIN…

“We missed him last time… we can’t afford to do that again!”

Roma was sitting quietly, taking all this in. She almost had him in her grasp, after one year of hard work. But she knew one thing – no matter how hard the CBI worked, Don was working that much SMARTER.

“Sir, I have a plan…”

“Roma if you think we’re going to go straight to his lair and shoot him on the forehead, I really don’t think…”

“SIR! Listen to me for once… your ‘wonderful’ plan blew up in our faces last time. LET THE LADY DO THE TALKING FOR ONCE! If you don’t mind…”

One lady against 15 other male officers, including the boss. Egos were flaring, but everyone knew that she was right.

“Ok, so here goes the plan. We take him from the side…”

“…and I didn’t even have to budge an inch! Luckily I called in a replacement for that last day!” Don was laughing evilly.

“Don, you seemed so impressed with that girl! What was it in her that impressed you?”

“I… I don’t know… for the first time in my life… I was almost stumped… by a girl! But as you know… GALTI EK BAAR KARNE SE GALTI KEHELAYA JAATA HAI… USSE WAPAS DOHARANA… BEWAKOOFI KEHELAYA JAATA HAI… (If you make a mistake once, it is a mistake, if you repeat it, its foolishness)”

“Well said Don, but… now what do we do?”

“Wait… till they commit their next blunder… DON KO LADKADATE DUSHMAN PASAND HAI (The Don likes enemies who fumble)”

“You mean, we wait and do NOTHING??”

“Not exactly. Here’s what we can do. We know they’re going to come hard at us. So…”

“…we get him on the dead end, and from there he’s got NOWHERE to go. I don’t know how he’s going to get out of this one!” completed Roma.

“Good… well done Roma. I think we can call it a day officers! We’ve got a big day tomorrow! See you all at the inauguration, and remember…”

“…we have to be the first at it!” signed off Don.

Inauguration – of the largest mall in the continent, it seemed. Asia’s largest, and all and sundry from the crème de la crème of the industry would be there. Quite the best time to pull off a heist… because the main attraction at the mall, was the world’s largest SAPPHIRE… placed at the entrance of the mall. Police security would have to be top class. And so would the heist have to be.

12:00 p.m. An unusually blustery afternoon at Mumbai Central. It seemed as if the entire world was present to witness the extravaganza. This was no ordinary mall – its best security was the jewel itself. The sapphire had a peculiarity about it – it was not blue, but crystal white in colour! It had the ability to absorb the rays of the sun – no matter how diffused or how little – and send out rays of light across the entire mall. Anyone overstepping those lines would eventually go deaf as the connection was made to an entire array of alarms. Add to that an electric cage falling over your head, and you’ve got nowhere to run. Boy, this was one heck of a jewel.

“…but I am one heck of a JEWEL THIEF… what say Mac?” smirked Don.

“Yes Don…”

“Now starts our plan… you and the others stick around… while I make… what can you say… arrangements?”

“Yes…”

Mac was looking tense. There was more security than he anticipated.

“Don, how are you going to get out of here? There’s…”

He had gone.

“How the HECK does he do that Narang?”

“If he couldn’t then he wouldn’t be where he was… and you wouldn’t be where you are… right Mac?” an obsequious Narang quirked. “Now keep your mouth shut and keep your mind and eyes open… the inauguration ceremony is about to begin.”

12:30 p.m. The speeches were done, and now was THE moment. The cutting of the ribbon followed by a demonstration drill. This drill was the probably the most important event in the history of Asia. Most important since it involved a very unique species of jewel… and jewel thief, the Don would add. All an officer had to do was to dress like a thief, and make his one through ONE of the strategic points of the mall. The sapphire would do the rest.

Mac and Narang were tense. Drill time, and there was no Don. Had their eccentric boss finally gone over the hill?

There, at the other end of the mall, the officer was ready. All he had to do was cross one level.

This one though, was keen on showing off his skills, it seemed. He made an acrobatic entry, somersaulting through Level 1, almost flew like a bird through Level 2, did a swimmer’s impression of a perfect 10 dive through Level 3, and finally, he was at arms length from the sapphire, much to the chagrin of the authorities, and to the shock of the industry men.

“What do you think you are doing officer? This is meant to be a DRILL!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GET CAUGHT!”

“Aha… perhaps you haven’t heard… DON KO PAKADNA MUSHKIL HI NAHI… NAMUMKIN HAI (To catch the Don is merely not difficult, it is impossible)”

The entire crowd gasped. And as once it happened before Roma, time seemed to stop again.

The Don merely lifted the sapphire, and there was an explosion. Smoke was all around, and no one could see a thing. Roma was waiting for this moment.

“All officers, get your cars out!” At that very moment, she saw the Don’s car speeding towards the narrow by-lanes of the slums scattered across Mumbai Central.

“After him!” There was chaos and confusion at the mall, but Roma was smart enough to spot the Don. He had the sapphire, gleaming brightly even within the confines of his car.

Six cars to one. Anyone would’ve panicked in this situation. Not the Don. He merely looked back and smirked at the officers. Roma was hot on his trail.

He looked ahead, and there was a woman drying out her clothes. He had the smallest of spaces to squeeze through and not harm the woman. The car screeched around the corner.

Roma stopped there, and asked her officers to go around the slums in different directions.

The Don made it virtually impossible for the officers to catch him. However, as Roma had anticipated in her plan, he came to a dead end. There was no way forward.

He put the car in reverse, but a tad too late. Six police cars surrounded him in no time.

Roma was quick to get out of the car. “Not this time Don. I know it’s you. It can’t be anyone else. No one would have the audacity to pull off a stunt like that! Come on come out now, be a good boy!”

Don merely laughed and stepped out of the car. “DON KO JUNGLI BILLIYAN PASAND HAI (The Don likes wild cats)”

“Shut up Don; hand over the sapphire, right now!”

“Ah, ah… I wouldn’t do that if I were you… you see - I have the sapphire in my car. And I also have something else in the car… something very deadly.” He took out a remote control from his pocket.

“No, Don, you can’t…”

He pressed the button. What happened after that is anybody’s guess. Don’s car was up in flames. Roma and the officers had jumped away in time, but not in time to escape some scratches and bruises.

“The sapphire… what happened…” Roma was distraught. The Don had taken away the sapphire along with his life.

She suddenly noticed some movement in some bushes beyond the wall.

“Let’s get to that part officer’s! It’s the best chance we have!”

She didn’t know why she was doing this. The Don was dead. But her gut feeling didn’t say so.

They took the cars into a bit of greenery (it could better be described as a mini-forest), and then, Roma found the source for her movement.

It was no more than a COW.

“Roma, you’ll have to explain for this at the headquarters. There’s no Don, but there’s no sapphire either!”

Roma stuttered, “Sir, but…”

“NO! Meet us tomorrow!”

Roma then suddenly noticed something around the cow’s neck. It was a piece of paper. It was exactly what she had feared.

NIKLE DHUNDNE EK RATNA,
PAYA TUMNE NAVRATNA,
EK AISA NAVRATNA,
JISSE NA PAKDA JA SAKTA HAI,
AUR NA MAARA JA SAKTA HAI,
AUR USKA NAAM HAI… DON

(You came in search of a jewel,
What you found was a rare gem,
A gem,
That can neither be caught,
Nor be killed,
And that gem’s name is - DON)

I knew all about your silly little plan. But I still maintain my words – I love wild cats. Hope to meet you soon, again! Love – DON

Roma was livid. “I’ll catch you Don, I swear I will. I will do whatever it takes… even if it means walking into your lair to shoot you!”

The officers walked away.

Meanwhile, behind an enormous trunk of a banyan tree, a wounded and bruised man was trying to make a phone call.

“We have the sapphire. It’s at the den. Do not worry. Should we come to get you? You seem a little down.”

“DON NA MADAD LETA HAI NA DETA HAI. LETA HAI TOH SIRF EK CHEEZ –JAAN. AUR DETA HAI TOH SIRF EK CHEEZ – MAUT.”

(The Don neither takes nor gives help. He only takes one thing – life. And he only gives one thing - death)

And the phone was disconnected…

THE CHASE CONTINUES…

He had his eyes set on her the day she entered office. She was beautiful, sweet and a homely kind of girl. The perfect foil for a man like him. He’d been on her trail for the past year now. Checking out her profile on the internet, following her, asking her friends about her, everything. Yet, they hadn’t been able to meet in person. A few online chats was all that was possible.

The mind was made up then. He had to speak to her in person, himself. Nothing else would do. He would be leaving office in a few months. And she HAD to leave along with him.

One day he noticed she’d come alone, not with those pesky friends of hers. She was packing some of her things. WAS SHE LEAVING? Oh no, this was it. He had to speak to her. Before he knew it, she was in the elevator, going downstairs.

He took the stairs. He reached 7 floors down in a jiffy; probably the most agile and flexible human being. But she was heading for Churchgate station, and had caught a taxi. His trusty scooter was ready for him. Just as his luck would have it, whenever she would cross a signal, it would turn red for him. Was this a premonition of what was to happen? But he was a man who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Certainly not when he was this close.

Finally, there was Churchgate station. She had gotten into a Virar-fast. The train had already begun chugging slowly.

He ran for his life, and managed to cling onto the last men’s compartment. She was probably teasing, he thought, because she had turned back once to look at him. The train sped to Mumbai Central, and then she did the strangest thing possible.

SHE GOT OFF, and boarded a train back to Churchgate.

He was bewildered! He was almost being pushed inside by all the people, but he finally managed to break free and throw himself on the platform. WHAT WAS THIS GIRL UP TO? He was sure now that she was trying to play the cat and mouse game. LITTLE DID SHE KNOW WHO SHE WAS UP AGAINST.
Touchdown at Churchgate station. She was at the WHEELER’S Bookstore, reading some book. It didn’t matter now; the time had come. He walked up to her, took out his gun and pointed it towards her head.

“DON,” he said. “I’ve been following you for the past year or so, and want you to join my gang – whether you like it or not. I need a foil for my activities, and I don’t think anyone apart from a simple, homely girl like you would be better. You’re pretty too.”

No response from the girl; she just kept the book that she was reading.

“Please do not pose a problem for me. DON MUSHKILON KE LIYE MUSHKIL PAIDA KARTA HAI (THE DON POSES A PROBLEM TO ALL HIS PROBLEMS).” He loaded the gun.

At the same time he heard ten other similar, metallic sounds. TEN GUNS, all pointing at his head. The girl calmly turned around.

“CBI officer ROMA CHATTERJEE,” was the riposte. “So, what was your dialogue? DON MUSHKILON KE LIYE MUSHKIL PAIDA KARTA HAI (THE DON POSES A PROBLEM TO ALL HIS PROBLEMS)? DON KO PAKADNA MUSHKIL HI NAHI NAMUMKIN HAI (TO CATCH THE DON IS NOT MERELY DIFFICULT, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE)? How stupid all that seems now!” She just snatched the gun from him. “I know you’ve been behind me for this one year. I was sent by CBI to track you down, and I knew the only way to catch you was to make you want me. That’s why; I guess you think I look pretty. But nah, I expected a better fight from the Don – you’ve been caught too tamely. The great Don has finally fallen into a trap! You’re finished Don, all but finished. Take him away officers!”

Don started laughing, “How naïve you are! DON KO PAKADNA MUSHKIL HI NAHI NAMUMKIN HAI! And I stand by what I say!”

“Poor fellow, I think he’s gone mad with his capture. (Mock sigh) It’s ok darling, we’ll have all the care for you… BEHIND THE BARS!”

He still had that evil smile on his face. “Oh yeah, I’d love it if you took care of me personally…”

A hard slap across the face. Roma was good at this. But she noticed some part of the skin came loose! She tugged at it, and pulled it off.

THIS WAS NOT THE DON. Only one of his henchmen!

She was enraged. “WHERE IS THE REAL DON YOU!!???” BANG! A bullet hole right through the henchman’s head.

Time froze. The CBI officers dispersed, and Roma went frantically mad, trying to search for the real Don. It was as if he had disappeared into thin air.

A beggar walked up to Roma. She tried to shoo it away, but he had something in his hand. “UNCLE NE BHEJA HAI (UNCLE SENT IT)”. She asked, “KAHAN HAI UNCLE? (WHERE IS UNCLE)” and the little tyke pointed towards the side entrance.

She rushed there, but there was no one. He was gone. She opened the note, which said:

DON KO ZINDA PAKADNA NAMUMKIN HAI
AUR DON KABHI NAHI MARNE WALA
ISILIYE
DON KO PAKADNA MUSHKIL HI NAHI NAMUMKIN HAI

(IT IS HARD TO CATCH THE DON ALIVE
AND THE DON WILL NEVER DIE
THEREFORE
TO CATCH THE DON IS NOT MERELY DIFFICULT, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE)

The chase continues…

THE SANITY OF INSANITY

(SPECIAL THANKS TO EDGAR ALLAN POE - the best horror writer of all time; this piece is inspired by his classic THE TELL-TALE HEART)

I live alone, all alone, on this secluded island. They put me here for fear that I am mad. But please, I must tell you: I AM NOT MAD. No mad person can ever sit down and write about their experiences as calmly as I am about to do. And yet, they put me on this island. Of all the IRRATIONALITY you can ever think of!

It all started with him, really. Good-looking and handsome, he was my senior by a few years. We worked at the same place, and apart from a two bedroom-hall-kitchen, we shared a very good rapport. We had got caught in the wave of 'LIVE-IN' relationships.

Unfortunately though, there was nothing LIVE-IN about our relationship. He looked upon me just as a good friend, that's all. He hadn't as much as touched me in the past 5 years we'd lived together. To think that I was the most attractive girl at work. Many, many boys and men had asked me out before, and I didn't pay ANY attention to ANY of them. Probably, I was getting a bit of my own medicine back... but to tell you the truth, I DIDN'T LIKE IT ONE SINGLE BIT.

He even rejected my proposal once, saying that he couldn't think of me in that way! HAH!

He had a thing going on with Rashmita, who'd joined office barely 6 months ago. Before that I always felt I had a chance. But then these two were getting too close for comfort. Rashmita was the typical goody-two-shoes type, and my junior. I always gave her the most laborious of work, asked her to do overtime, but then, HE would always remain back with her!! AHHH... how I hated it!

They kept getting closer by the day. We used to have such wonderful conversations after work when we got back home. Once she joined, he used to hardly have time for me. Just reach home and PLONK! on the bed. And even after he would reach home, that girl would call, and they used to speak for hours.

OH GOD! Why did he have to be so damn good-looking??? His smile and his eyes... that's what girls fell for... and that's what I fell for too. He was so good-natured, and had never hurt me... but his actions now were hurting me.

Come on, don't you think my behaviour was entirely rational all the while?? I could've killed him then and there... but I didn't. It didn't work like that for me. Death was too easy a punishment for him.

Me punishing him may seem to be stupid. TO YOU THAT IS. You don't know the pain of being ignored by someone whom you've waited for all your life. I had never done wrong to anybody. And yet it was me suffering. This was just not fair. Rashmita... I wondered whether there was the devil hiding behind those oh-so-sweet smiles. TO be fair, she hadn't done anything wrong to me either. But what the both of them were doing together, WAS WRONG AND UNFAIR. I LOVED HIM. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO RECIPROCATE MY FEELINGS!

It was then that I decided: he must go. And I had drafted a wonderful plan out for the both of them. NO MADMAN CAN EVER THINK OF SUCH THINGS!!! But I did, and it only clearly shows that I am not mad. I was hurt, but not mad!

It was his smile and eyes that girls were after. They must go. And for them to go HE had to go.

I waited every single day for them whenever overtime came. I didn't crib, cry or complain. Waited on them, sweetly smiled and spoke to them for every single day of the week. Rashmita had in fact now grown to like me! (EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED)

This went on for two months. Rashmita had even come to visit him in our flat many times. I used to give them complete privacy (POOR THINGS... LET THEM ENJOY ALL THEY WANT...) and in fact, helped them out on many an occasion, in their so called PERSONAL problems.

I could have killed him all this while, but I didn't for two completely valid reasons:

1) He had gone to sleep and I only hated his smile or his eyes, both of which didn't function while he slept (I wanted him killed when he was awake, when he was smiling)

2) I did not have an idea yet, whether he and Rashmita were REALLY into each other... I mean there was no formal proposal yet.

I again reiterate: no madman would be considerate enough to take into account all these factors!

It was THE night. I had left work early, as I had some shopping to do (you know the usual gal shopping!) and I was browsing through some mail. He came in at around midnight, smiling in his usual good way, but was visibly sweating and was tense. I thought it was pretty strange for the winter season.

Somehow I coaxed the true fact out of him. RASHMITA HAD POPPED THE QUESTION. And he wanted MY opinion on what he should do. I readily agreed to help. His smile came up again, and now I thought was the perfect time to make my move. I told him I needed to go to the kitchen to clean up, then we'd discuss.

DISCUSS INDEED. The knife was kept ready.

I went back to the bedroom. His back was still turned to me, I couldn't do it this way. I asked him to turn towards me. He did so, obligingly, and his smile and eyes, both were in full view. This was the moment I was waiting for.

I KILLED HIM. I put the knife through him about 10 times at least. But if you think I was reckless, think again. I had safely used a tissue paper around the handle of the knife, so that my fingerprints would not be visible. HOW INTELLIGENT IS THAT? And people STILL call me MAD! He stared open mouthed at me. He couldn't do anything.

Then came the more grotesque, gruesome part of the plan. Since I hated his BLOODY GOOD LOOKS, I plucked out his eyeballs, and cut out his lips. SERVES ALL THOSE STUPID GIRLS RIGHT. He looked hideous right now.

I then phoned up Rashmita, and asked her to come over, giving her a hint that he was actually giving her a positive reply. She came all smiling and bubbling, that B***H. I had opened the door and hidden behind the curtains. She came in, wondering where I was. Then she entered the bedroom.

SHE GOT THE SHOCK OF HER LIFE... HAHAHAHAHA...

And she fainted.

What happened next was impulsive behaviour on my part. My plan was to put the knife in Rashmita's hands, and leave immediately.

That WAS the plan anyway. When I saw Rashmita, all that feeling changed. I don't know why.

Why should I run away? I had done something completely normal! Rashmita should be the one to go! Not me!

And then, I killed her too. I chopped her body into little pieces with the big butcher's knife we had in the kitchen. I destroyed her completely for what she'd made me: A MONSTER.

But aha, I hadn't lost my sanity one little bit. What I did next will surprise you and make you think twice about me being mad.

I opened out the floor in the drawing room, where we had kept a hollow box below the floor to store things. No one knew about this apart from Rashmita, me and him. It was small... only one body would fit. I put in his body, followed by really small pieces of Rashmita's decimated body parts. It felt so good! I put a lot of air fresheners and camphor balls within so that it wouldn't stink. I put wooden planks over the bodies, and then concealed it with the tiles. Then I went about washing the entire house with Dettol.

I washed off ALL the blood stains. No signs of it left. The knife was buried along with his body. The house was as spic and span as it was before I had done my deed. And now, I was satisfied.

The next morning, the police arrived at my house. It seems the neighbours had heard someone scream in the house.

(Damn Rashmita, damn those nosey neighbours) But I was calm. I invited them, AND MADE THEM SIT ON THE VERY SPOT WHERE I HAD BURIED THE BODIES.

I offered them juice and snacks, and offered an explanation for the scream as my horrible nightmare. SEE HOW CALM AND COLLECTED I WAS? And about my partner, well, he was out of town on a project. AND THOSE SUCKERS BOUGHT THE IDEA.

We continued chatting on. I started having a splitting headache 15-20 minutes into our chat, and wished the policemen would go away.

Then something extremely frightening happened: I felt that someone was knocking the floor under us. It was a continous knock. And I was hearing voices.

I looked up at the policemen. They were continuing the chat. I tried doing all sorts of things to drown the noise; shout loudly and argue over trivial matters, change topics of discussion.

There was no end to the ticking sound. IT WAS LIKE THE SOUND OF THE DEATH CLOCK, TICKING AWAY... MARKING THE END TO MY LIFE...

AND THE VOICES: PLEASE LET ME OUT, RASHMITA SAYING OH WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME... THE TICKING CONTINUED...

My head was pounding to no end. These policemen were not LEAVING!!! They had probably heard the noise and knew what was happening. They were taunting me.

Any further pounding, and I thought my head would explode. Probably the fever I had the previous night sharpened my senses, and I could listen to voices from hell and heaven (I'm sure those two would've gone to hell for the trouble caused to me!) .

But I couldn't take it anymore. The policemen were now staring at me, wondering what had gone wrong with me.

I took the pick-axe from the storeroom, and ripped the floor below us.

"THERE POLICEMEN, PLEASE DO NOT TAUNT ME ANY FURTHER. THE SOUND YOU HEAR IS FROM THESE HIDEOUS HUMAN BEINGS WHO'VE CAUSED ME GREAT SUFFERING... ALL MY LIFE... THERE TAKE THEM AWAY!!!"

After that, I was transported to an asylum on this secluded island. And I still wonder why... DON'T YOU THINK WHAT I DID WAS SANE? Now if these people cannot understand me... I cannot help it. Say, that doctor there looks charming... what if I try him out???

JATAYU - ENTER RAVANA

It was an extremely large hall. The size of the furniture was at least 10 times that of a normal human being. Mutant guards were scattered around the place, looking for any discrepancy in security. Fully airconditioned and dimly lit, this actually had the makings of a very romantic restaurant (minus the mutants)!

But there was something at the end of the hall that put paid to all that. A large throne-like sofa, and an even larger mutant. But was it just a mutant? It was at least 10 feet in length, probably weighed 500 tons quite easily (wonder how the sofa withstood that!) and had TEN HEADS.

TEN HEADS. No mistake. THIS WAS RAVANA.

Closer inspection made it clear that the sofa was pure titanium. And he was sitting on the sofa, licking his fingers and yo-yoing with a human head.

HE WAS YO-YOING WITH A HUMAN HEAD, and in deep thought.

"Ahmmmm... diabetic humans are tasty. They're going to die in any case, so I helped this one out by eating him up. Fortunately we guys don't get diabetes. But I crave, I yearn for man-birds. I eaten one just once, and that was eons ago, when I was a little kid. I need their hearts, it's so tender and filling."

Grotesque, but Ravana had all the best qualities otherwise- super-strength, paranormal powers, intelligence only matched by Jatayu, a monstorous appetite for knowledge. But... he unfortunately chose the side of evil. Head of all criminal operations in the entire universe, he headed a group known as THE MUTANT AVENGERS, created for the purpose of expulsion of all beings apart from mutants. If good mutants came in his way, he would do away with them as well!

"Ah sir, as you know the defence network of the bird mutants is quite strong. We need to break that network down to accomplish our mission. Then you can have all the man-birds you want, sire, and..."

"... to break this network we must find of a way to get Jatayu out of the way." Ravana completed the sentence. "But how? He is immortal isn't he??" asked agent XX1.

Ravana gave one of his wicked smiles. "Who said immortal means unbeatable?"

XX1 smiled too. He was the opposite number, the counterpart of agent 001. They hadn't met in physical combat yet, but as XX1 was a mutant, far stronger than 001, he desperately wanted to have a showdown himself. But now his mind was on Jatayu.

"But sire, we can't kill that fellow! And he can rejuvenate! What else..."

"... we have with us his biggest weakness!" roared Ravana, as he pointed towards the giant 3-D screen.

A dim, dank, dark dungeon. The lights were turned on.

A pitiful sight: tortured, injured man-bird... WITH ONLY ONE WING. He was breathing, but only just. It was as if the life had been sucked out of him. But he was mumbling something, "Wait... wait... Jatayu... he will come... huh-uh... w-w-w-w-ait..."

Suddenly agent XX14 entered the room. "Bad news sire. Agent XX7 has failed in his viral attack mission. Jatayu killed him and he's on his way here!"

The man-bird of the dungeon seemed visibly happy at this development. Strangely enough, so did Ravana.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" He roared with his evil laughter. "Agent XX7 was just a plant my dear friend. This is EXACTLY what I was hoping for. Now Jatayu... let me see whether you've improved from the past... we shall combat again!"

Meanwhile, as Jatayu soared towards the land of Lanka, he heard a familiar voice in his head:

"Jatayu... it's a trap... I'm alive... but don't come here... please... go back... g-g-g-oo... "

The voice faded away, but Jatayu froze in his tracks.

Could it BE???? But how???

How was it possible after all these years??

He did not heed the voice. He continued his onward surge to Lanka - with renewed vigour and confidence.

Little did he realise the peril that lay ahead...

TO BE CONTINUED...

PEEK-A-BOO!

It was a dark and gloomy evening, coupled with heavy rains. Forest officer Anand Bannerjee cast a look at the Sunderbans. It looked beautiful, even in the dark.

It was just about 4:00 p.m. Queer place, he thought. Even after 25 years in the eastern parts of India, he still didn't understand the logic of sunrise and sunset. He had been to all parts of India, and never had he experienced darkness at 4:00 p.m.

The last year had been pretty strange as far as forest activity were concerned. In the first 24 years of his posting, he never had much activity apart from the odd poaching incident and accidents of humans. Life was as lonely as it was peaceful. Anand had no family to speak of. His parents were no more, and he felt getting married or even involved with the 'fairer sex' was a waste of time. He hated children, moreover.

But in the last year, there were atleast 10 human deaths. And all those dead bodies had one thing in common: the eyes were almost BURNT out, so to speak, but the bodies were totally untouched. Anand was put on the mission of finding out the causes of the deaths. And a person who had never ventured into the Sunderbans after sunset, had to do so now. It was a matter of keeping his job as a forest officer.

The forest was kept off human limits for three months. That was the deadline, the target given to Anand to complete his mission. Daily, he would go into the forest at 4:00 p.m. and come back by 12:00 midnight. 8 hours of hard work, with no result. He was into the last week of the third month. Anand wondered whether it was some kind of divine intervention that was keeping him safe.

Today, though, it was raining heavily. And the trees seemed to be whispering some unknown secret. It was inviting Anand to have a look.

He was not the adventurous type. But today was a queer day anyway.

So with a raincoat, a pair of gumboots, a bottle of rum and his trusty rifle, Anand set off into the wilderness.

It took him about 20 minutes to reach the forest. By that time, the rain had stopped. It was almost pitch dark by now. Crickets and grasshoppers were chirping away. The wind was still howling though, and the swaying trees seemed to be saying: "W-H-E-RRRRR-E WWWW-I-LLLLL YOUUUUUUU GOOOOOOOO!" Eerily, by the time it reached the word GO, it was shrieking. The words had a strange premonition about them.

Anand chucked the rum bottle. Whoa, he'd had too much to drink. Time to get a grip on oneself.

He entered the forest. His eyesight was quite keen, and his ears were sensitive to even the slightest of sound. Strangely enough, he could hear drums beating. It happened to be his own heart.

"I MUST STOP DRINKING! I MUST!", he said, trying to shake off an imaginary inebriated self. He happened to realise just minutes later, that he was NOT drunk. He was actually hearing the sound of his heart beating.

Why? He looked around. There wasn't anything for him to be scared of. He took a look at his watch, and almost fainted in shock.

It was almost midnight... how come? He turned around to retrace his path. THERE WAS NO PATH. He was surrounded by trees, darkness, and a whole new lot of strange sounds.

He tried to run. But where to?? He now understood the meaning of the swaying trees.

After running a while, he rested his hand on a tree trunk. He had to get back somehow. It must be only a bad dream, he thought to himself. He was going to get up and everything would be back to normal.

Unfortunately, when he faced the tree he was resting on, he realised that this was no dream... it was a NIGHTMARE. Two spots were gleaming at him from the tree. When he backtracked, he realised those actually could be EYES. They were closing and shutting, closing and shutting.

"WHERE WILL YOU GOOOO!!! HAHAHAHAHA!" the voice had become harsher, more chilling. The tree seemed to be swaying it's branches about. One branch came and cut across Anand's chest.

"AAAAHAHHHHHHHH!!!" It hurt. He was bleeding. A big cut right across his chest. The other trees had come to life. They were all saying the same thing. "WHERE WILL YOU GO?? WHERE WILL YOU GO??"

Anand ran about wildly looking for a path to escape. His worst nightmares were all coming true. Sounds of wolves howling, the trees screaming, and no place to go. Perfect. THIS was why people were dying.

BUT WOULD HE GET OUT TO TELL HIS STORY?? He looked at the path of light. It seemed inviting. He was sweating and bleeding profusely. It was the best chance he had.

It was like a hundred metres dash. All the trees began closing in on him. He sprinted towards the path. IT WAS THE WAY OUT! He kept going on and on and on...

Finally his small forest house was visible. He kept running and running and running.

REACHED! Phew... he turned around and looked at the forest. He almost fainted again.

IT WAS AS IT WAS BEFORE. He looked at his watch. JUST 8 P.M.

WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO HIM???? He WAS dreaming after all wasn't he??

He opened a bottle of rum, and gulped it down. He needed the rest. It was a harrowing experience. Those words were still ringing in his ears.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of sobbing. SOMEONE WAS IN HIS BEDROOM.

He rushed towards the bedroom. It was a small girl, with her face in her hands, in torn, tattered, blood-stained clothes. "What do you want?? WHO ARE YOU??" He asked in a harsh tone. He didn't like children, remember?

"I got lost in this forest for the past year. I couldn't get out. SOB! SOB! I survived somehow. I WANT MUMMY! I WANT PAPA! SOB! SOB!" all this with her face still firmly in her hands.

Anand was shocked. ONE WHOLE YEAR?? How didn't he spot her then?? Pity entered his hitherto hard soul.

"OK, my dear, I shall take you back to where you belong. Don't worry. Come with me."

"First I want you to play a game with me. Please. My mummy would always play with me when I would be sad"

Anand thought it was ridiculous, but.... "Oh! ok! Tell me what is the game about?"

"Whenever I would put my face in my hands like this, my mummy would come along..." Anand looked at his watch again. He thought his watch had gone mad.

IT WAS EXACTLY MIDNIGHT.

"...and try to cheer me up" Anand, scared, got up, but was still looking at the girl, whose voice had turned into a blood curdling kind of howl. "She too would get up and try to move away from me... but I would then open my hands out... HAHAHAHAHAHA" IT WAS LIKE THE DEVIL LAUGHING. "...and tell her..."

There was a chilling silence....

"PEEK-A-BOO!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Anand's eyes started melting out of his sockets. It was searing pain, almost as if it was burnt by acid. He started suffocating. The only last thing he remembered seeing was a pair of bright yellow eyes twinkling like stars, a mouth that was so soaked in blood he didn't remember seeing the teeth, and almost no nose. A face pockmarked by tigers pug-marks strangely.

Before he breathed his last, the monster girl revealed to him. "I was murdered brutally by a tiger in this very forest last year, Mr. Anand, and you turned a deaf ear to my screams and pleads! I lived off the bodies of all the people who wished to visit this forest! You preferred to sit back and have your bloody rum, didn't you? YOU HATED CHILDREN!!!! NOW YOU SHALL DIE!! AND MY SOUL CAN NOW REST IN PEACE!!!!"

With that, Anand died. And the girl disappeared.

After 3 days, Anand's deadline expired. The senior forest officials were horrified when they found Anand's body. Just like all other bodies, his eyes were burnt out, the rest of his body untouched. When they were about to take him away, a junior forest officer came with a young girl. "Sir, she got lost in the forest. We must take her back home." Everyone readily agreed. The girl was sweet, and very talkative.

And as they walked out of the forest house, the girl glanced back. HER EYES GLEAMED YELLOW FOR A SECOND...

ANYBODY READY FOR A GAME OF PEEK-A-BOO?

JATAYU - THE GOD OF BIG WINGS

“JATAYUUUUUUUU…” bellowed agent 001. The fuse had blown up again. Critical data was at stake. The backup battery couldn’t hold on for more than 5 minutes. You’d imagine it could during such technologically advanced times. And this was supposed to be the government’s secret service. But then, there you are. Even the best can’t handle pressure sometimes.

“JATAYUUU…” he howled again. “Where is he when you need him?!”

And then… from nowhere he emerged. He was about 100 metres away. The battery couldn’t hold on for long. He spread out his great wings and just glided towards the power house.

He was tall and powerfully built. All of 7 feet 9 inches tall, and with a body that would put any decent wrestler to shame. His wingspan was about 4 feet on either side. The beak was majestically shaped, and his wing bones were harder than titanium. He needed to wear only a pair of shorts. Extremely keen eyesight, and armed with a brain not matched by almost anyone else in the universe.

The power was restored, just within seconds of the backup battery failure.

“Whew! You’ve done it again Jatayu, thanks a million!” Jatayu only smiled. This was probably one of the most trivial things he’d ever have to do.

It was circa 2975 A.D. Evolution was not quite Darwin-like any more. More species, more races had turned up. Mankind still existed, but only just. Animals were extinct. Instead, as a kind of compensation, there was the MUTANTKIND. Species that were half-animal, half-man. Going into the details of every kind would probably take light years to explain. Corruption and other vices were rife. Evil mutants were desperately trying to take over the universe. The earth alone had enough crime syndicates and terrorist groups to cover the solar system. Evil humans and evil mutants made for a deadly cocktail.

Then why was it that most things were STILL in order? All evil was still under control?

They say that a messiah is sent by God to uproot all evil forces. The single force who will be the sole protector of the universe. And there was only one natural force for the entire race of evil beings to reckon with, and that was…

“JATAYU! You manage to do it every time! Thank God for you!”

Jatayu calmly replied, “001, I’ve been doing it for a couple of months now, and I’ve told you, SOMEONE is always tampering with the wires! I just can’t figure out who! And what if I’m not able to make it on time all the time HAA??”

“Don’t worry, we have faith in you. You’ll do it. You’ve always done it.”

Every agent in the Government’s Secret Service (GSS) had blind faith on Jatayu because of his inherent superhuman abilities. There was also another fact that separated him from the rest – HE WAS IMMORTAL. And he was the only being to have this power. He could be maimed, injured – but not killed. And he could restore to his normal self within a matter of 2 hours if left alone.

He sat across the table, facing 001. 001 was one of his most trusted human agents. They were buddies ever since 001 was recruited into the service.

“I feel like a fag” said 001 as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He suddenly remembered Jatayu sitting across the table. He quickly tried to hide the pack back, but before he could have it, Jatayu had converted it into dust. He looked sternly at 001, “How many times have I told you NOT TO DO THAT????” Jatayu had a heavy, husky voice, quite unlike a bird’s. His glare was enough to freeze even the devil in his place.

“OK! OK! I am sorry!”

“No it’s not the question of being sorry. It’s INJURIOUS TO HEALTH CAN’T YOU…”

Jatayu suddenly turned and looked at the window. No one seemed to be there. He took the mike and made an announcement. “ALL AGENTS PLEASE AUTO SAVE AND SHUT OFF YOUR DATABASES IN 2 MINUTES FLAT! WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!”

001 was stunned. “WHA…”, and before he could complete, Jatayu had disappeared through the window. The building of the GSS was very tall, and the power house was just an arm jutting out of the topmost floor. Only accessible to mutants, and almost out of the reach of humans.

It was the lifeline of the GSS. Once the power house was down, their entire database of evil beings would be wiped away. The backup would always take time to restore, and that too was partially corrupt data. Jatayu was the only answer.

Meanwhile, an evil ape mutant had made his way to the power house. All he had to do was insert a virus into the power house. Orders from the top brass. He would be richly rewarded. Everything was ready. Just insert this chip into this board and…

“If you needed a midnight snack, you should’ve asked me. And in any case you monkey, this isn’t the kitchen” It was Jatayu.

The ape found himself tied to a chair in the midst of humans and a couple of man-birds. The room was dimly lit. And he was being questioned.

“Where have you come from?” asked 001. Agents 002 and 005 used sticks and physical measures, but to no avail. The ape mutant was too strong for them. He just smirked and ignored all their protests.

He was even too strong for the other man-birds. They were quite young in any case, and their claws had no effect on them.

The ape was wondering though, why he wasn’t able to free himself from the wires in the chair. They were unusually strong. And when he looked up, all humans and man-birds were laughing at him. Suddenly, a huge figure appeared in front of him.

It terrified him no end. It was the same man-bird that had caught him in the power house. Jatayu could scare ANYBODY.

His claws were out. “Where are you from, dear ape-man? I have no patience for creatures like YOU!” His voice became huskier when he was impatient, and his eyes were blood red. It was a chilling stare. Everything came tumbling out. “I…I…I was sent by the evil ten headed demon R-R-R-R-R-AVANA, to enter a virus in the system here that would erase all records of the evil beings…. H-h-h-h-h-h-e promised to p-p-p-p-p-ay well for it…”

Jatayu went wild on the mention of Ravana. He was the mutant of a hydra, and anytime anyone would cut one of his heads off, it would grow back on again!

He just picked the ape and threw him out of the window in anger. Jatayu had a history with Ravana, and it wasn’t a very happy one at that.

Everyone rushed out of the building to get the body of the ape. Only 001 stayed back. Only he knew of Jatayu’s painful past. “Hey pal, you’ll need help this time. I’ll ask someone to come with you to…”

“NO! NO ONE WILL COME WITH ME!” Jatayu roared. “This is a score… a score I have to settle alone… it’s PAYBACK TIME!!! RAVANA… here I come!”

He pushed 001 aside and went to the prayer room. He was a believer of God. And he prayed aloud,

“Shree Vakratunda mahakaya koti soorya samaprabha,
nirvighnam kurumedeva shubha karyeshu sarvada”

(“O lord with the twisted trunk, with the effulgence of a billion suns, always remove the obstacles when I am on an auspicious undertaking.")

And with that, Jatayu shot off to the LANKAN PRESIDENCY… taking with him painful memories… and a score to settle.

TO BE CONTINUED…

THE ONE DAY OF MADNESS

Time is a strange element. It has the power to deceive, stopping during moments of danger and sorrow, and running through moments of happiness or safety. And yet, on its own, it has passed through from the time the universe has started till now at a same pace.

It’s what Einstein proposed: Time is relative. Therefore, relationships that happen within time are also relative. It may mean different things for different people. Perceptions differ. And so do the emotions that come with those perceptions.

And hence, I have discovered that the most fascinating time-frame is of a day: 24 hours. The speed with which perceptions, emotions and relative actions change within this time period is quite absorbing to observe.

Before this turns into a science and psychology class, let me begin with this strange tale of ONE DAY. It seemed to be like any other day; but it was unusually hot. Yes, and that was enough to drive me round the bend. I hated heat. Little was I aware that the day would only bring more heat… of a different kind.

After the early morning ablutions, I was all set and ready to leave for work, when I received two missed calls on my mobile phone. The numbers were unknown. I called back on both of them, and in both cases, the receiver would pick up the phone, but not say anything. I wondered whether these were two different people who called, or whether it was the same person making two different calls. Logic said it would have to be the latter, but life’s experiences had taught me that ANYTHING was possible.

Thinking about this, I drove to work. It was possibly a crank call. GOD! I almost had an accident thinking about it. DAMN! Why was I thinking about those stupid calls? It was just a joke, a practical joke. Right? I mean, who was stupid enough to call me twice at 8:00 am in the morning?? Oops! There goes a headlight! Or, who are those TWO people playing pranks on me? Ah! Scratched the side of my car! WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME??

I finally reached office by 9:15 a.m. after leaving home by 8:45. A journey that generally took me 15 minutes everyday, today took me half an hour! And the best part is, I didn’t realise until I got a rollicking from my boss for being late. See the effect of time and thinking? You get lost in thoughts and go into a time warp.

My desk was as untidy as the day before. As I sat down to begin the days proceedings, my female colleagues, Smita and Rita came and sat by my side. They wished me in their usual sweet, sing-song way. And as has been the routine for the past 6 years I had worked here, they began with their daily reports, and work to be done today. These would be interrupted sporadically with some of their own personal problems and situations that face them in their daily lives. I was like an AGONY UNCLE to them, so to speak.

After that, when they dispersed, I sat down to work. Suddenly a thought struck me, like a bolt of lightning. It was an open secret in the office that both these ladies… well… both these ladies LOVED me (LOVED me or had something else in mind I don’t know). They had even proposed marriage to me on separate occasions when I was a fresher in the office. Both were bitter rivals (in this respect) and had even challenged each other as to who would FINALLY get me. Sadly enough for both of them, I had interest in neither one. And like all FAMOUS love stories, this one died a natural death.

Or so I thought. Those phone calls were still lingering in my mind. NOW they assumed more significance. I hadn’t told anyone about them yet, because I knew the obvious response that I would get. Two missed calls, one after the other, and my past history with these ladies was actually sufficient enough to prove that they’d done it. Why, after 6 years, I don’t know. Heck, I wasn’t even sure if it was them! But...

I went about office that day like a cat on a hot tin roof. And the worst part was I had to work with them! Checking out reports, searching files, analysing content… it had to be the three of us! The entire office kept a ‘motherly’ eye over me (please do not ask me what that means!). And they always came with me in this form: Smita on my left and Rita on my right. Our first assignment was to finalise body copy for a print ad for a cold drink company (Oh sorry! In all this ‘thought process’ I forgot to mention that I work in an ADVERTISING AGENCY as a copywriter…)

We were taking unusually a lot of time over this. When I finalised an idea given by Rita, Smita would oppose and vice-versa. I finally lost my cool on them and finalised the copy. Both of them went away unhappily, staring at me. I feel that they give me looks all the time. The entire office was smirking. It was like HATE BOTH GET BOTH FREE offer. It was abominable! I was feeling like a complete ass today (yeah it’s happened before, but today took the cake!)

3 hours to finalise advertising copy over two ladies. Boss was at his HARI SADU best, again (for those who don’t know what HARI SADU is, well, he is the synonym for the TYPICAL BAD BOSS… got it now?) and as I was getting it nicely, those two ladies kept supporting me! Oh God this was bad. The entire office was there, and I was the centre of attraction. They even took turns to pat me on the back, or catch my hand (EEKS!). I wondered how much I was going to pay for those missed calls.

All this happened, and then I took a look at my watch. It was only 2 p.m.! Oh God no! I had to spend at least 3 hours more with those two. And they would be with me the whole time. I just couldn’t stand it. As I went to get some coffee from the vending machine, I overheard one of their spats. It was the usual you-stay-away-from-him type of spats. They spoke something about a cell phone, and something about calling.

I was returning to my desk, and froze in my tracks. Stay-away-from-HIM? CELL PHONE? CALLS? I slapped my head and realised that they were actually speaking about ME!

I then decided what I had to do. This had to stop. NOW. Before any more damage was done.

I took what then seemed to be as probably the biggest risk in my life. I went up to each of them (separately, of course!) and proposed my love to them (YUCK!). They were supposed to meet me at the restaurant next to the seaside, by 6:00 p.m. For good measure, I told each one not to tell the other.

This, surprisingly, drew different reactions from each of them. Smita was happily shocked, and she kept asking me as to why I hadn’t told this to her earlier, what happened to me now, etc. I managed to cook up some story about HIDDEN FEELINGS and things I had probably never even dreamt about. She seemed happy, and readily agreed. Sad she didn’t know what was in store…

Rita surprised me. She was more sadly stunned rather than happily shocked. And she couldn’t ask me anything. It was like she had lost her power of speech. (Serves you right for troubling me you…!) She was fumbling for words and in the end, she just managed a weak ‘yeah, I’ll catch you there’ kind of response. I patted her on the head and said everything will turn out just fine. Oh yeah, it would.

Those hours until 6:00 p.m. flew like a rocket. I was lost in my work, and I also managed both of them very well. Then at around 4:30 p.m. both of them left. I stayed on until about 5:30 to complete the tasks for the day. That way there would be nothing pending for tomorrow. Or would it be appropriate to say that there would be NO TOMORROW?

5:45 p.m. I reached my destination. But I didn’t go to my table. I waited in hiding for the two ladies to arrive. Smita arrived first, and I must say, for the first time ever in my life, I felt that she was actually looking pretty! (Then the voice inside me said, MAKE-UP! MAKE-UP!)

I then waited for Rita. It was the longest wait of 10 minutes I’d ever had. At 6:00 p.m. sharp, a waiter appeared with a letter for ME and delivered it to Smita. He kept it on the table. This was a slightly worrying turn of events. No Rita, just a mysterious letter, and Smita looking around.

She couldn’t resist herself could she? The letter was in her hands, and she was going through the contents.

What I then saw shook me up completely. Smita was on the verge of tears, and trembling. She screamed loudly in the hotel, and VOWED TO KILL ME.

I went blank for ten seconds. It felt like ten years. Smita rushed to the beach. I rushed out after her.

“SMITA!!” it was probably a stupid thing to do at that time, but I was worried to death. I needed to know what was happening.

She turned around, and gave me the most frightening stare. I worked up the courage to walk up to her and ask what was happening.

A resounding slap. Yes, and this time I felt as if I deserved it. She questioned my intentions. She questioned a lot of things. I sheepishly said that I just wanted to teach them a lesson. I wanted to play one against the other. I told her of the missed calls and the days events.

Another one on the cheek. The enmity between them was actually over the time I rejected them both. They had got on with their lives. And in fact, Smita had gotten over me. Rita was the one who was slightly inclined towards me. I felt like a complete jackass (again!). Rita in fact had gotten hooked up with a bad guy. Smita was trying to get her away from it (that explains the STAY-AWAY-FROM-HIM thing). And… they had not made ANY calls to me in the past 6 years.

Then I read Rita’s letter. Oh God, she still loved me. But her infatuation for this BAD guy had gone too far, and she had promised to marry him. She couldn’t make up her mind, and she couldn’t handle the pressure. She decided to commit suicide by drowning herself.

I ran towards the shore, screaming out her name. So did Smita. We saw a crowd gathered at a part of the shore. The worst thoughts were running through my mind. I ran towards that crowd. There lay Rita, unconscious. She was breathing, though only slightly. We rushed her to the hospital.

We reached the hospital by around 7:00 p.m. Time had gone slow again. Smita was still giving me those smouldering looks, and muttering something like, ‘if anything happens to her…’

That night, at the hospital, Smita opened out to me. She was indeed angry, but seeing me also concerned and quite tense, she realised that I was not so bad after all. She spoke of how they softened their stance against each other, and how they became really good friends. Rita, it seemed, always had something for me, but some guy (who Smita suspected was into DRUGS) swept her off her feet. Rita was quite like that, a small child who could be easily influenced. Smita was the more practical of the two.

The doctor came out at around 11:00 p.m. and fortunately, there was nothing much to worry. Rita had just swallowed a lot of salty water, and was pinched by a crab. No other damages. She just needed a good nights rest. So did Smita. So did I.

I don’t know when I went to sleep, because I remember getting up directly at 8:00. I had slept on one of the benches. Smita had slept on my shoulder. I tried to get up without disturbing her, but she got up too. We were about to go and meet Rita.

“You must marry Rita. That’s the only way she’ll be able to overcome this trauma. And THAT’S how you will atone for your sins!” She spoke like a true woman of justice. “What about you?” I asked. Smita said, “I USED to like you once upon a time… now… I’d be better off single!” I managed a weak smile, and thought to myself… Rita truly loved me… every other girl I had flirted with was only after my looks or my money… but I was still confused about Smita. She knew what I was thinking, “Don’t worry… you know that I’m a strong girl… you raised my hopes briefly yesterday… but Rita deserves you more than I do… she truly loves you… and if you try to wriggle out of this, I am going to kill you.” She smiled as she spoke. It was chilling calmness. “Go get her tiger!”

I entered the ward, and popped Rita the question. She wasn’t aware of my plan the day before (thankfully!) and she readily agreed. We hugged, and I felt a special kind of warmth in that hug. We got married within that hospital ward itself! The priest was called for the ceremony, and Smita was our witness.

And today, after 5 years of marriage, and a good healthy kid, the three of us were together and were thick friends. Rita had matured, and was a lot stronger than before, while Smita only grew in stature. She was to get married herself in a couple of week’s time.

But one question still lingered in my mind… WHO ACTUALLY GAVE THOSE MISSED CALLS?? I still had those numbers with me on the cell phone…

Smita came from behind and saw my blank face. I wanted to ask her about those numbers.

Before I could say anything… she said, “Tiger, those calls were made by me… in case you’re wondering.”

Somehow, she could always read my mind. ALWAYS. And she had read it even when she made those calls…

APRIL FOOL!

If there was anything Mr. Kapoor was interested in, it was BRAGGING. All of 50 years old, he loved babbling on and on about his tales of bravery and adventure. To top it all, he would ridicule guys and gals of my age, saying that we were softies and had been brought up in glass cases, with no exposure to the harsh world! He prided himself on the fact that he'd never got a heart attack, and he was as strong and healthy as a 20 year old man. Nothing could scare him, it seemed. He was always prepared for any eventuality.

I know you're getting as bored as I would always get listening to his mindless dribble over and over again. My parents would always tell me to take Mr. Kapoor as an example. Yeah! As if I didn't have better things to do! Take a fat, obnoxious, middle-aged piece of fat as my role model! I'd rather watch those daily soaps and APPRECIATE their beauty!

We'd had endless arguments on the topic of FEAR. He never seemed to appreciate a good Hollywood horror movie, saying that only sissies could be scared by them. I was really tired reiterating one fact to him: movies were only a reflection of real life, and ANYONE would be scared by real life horror. As usual, he pooh-poohed all these suggestions that he could ACTUALLY get scared. My ears were ringing with these words: SISSY! SOFTY! Having to learn fearlessness from an old man like me! And all such crap.

No one had the courage to stand up to him like me, unfortunately. Everyone just tolerated his nonsense silently. But enough was enough. Mr. Kapoor had taken his bragging a bit too far. All fool's day was just around the corner. I needed to do something. But I wasn't able to come up with anything constructive.

In the meanwhile, our middle-aged superhero had taken on a challenge. We had a dilapidated 18th century building on the outskirts of our town, just 20 minutes away from our colony. No one had ever visited that building - rumours of ghosts and strange voices were enough to keep people away. An enterprising young friend of mine had the guts to stand up to Mr. Kapoor, and challenge him to survive 24 hours ALL ALONE in that building. This obviously stirred Mr. Kapoor to no end, and he was determined to prove his bravery. Old men can be obstinate!

The day had arrived. People from our colony had all gathered at the place by 8:45 am. The fatso would enter the building by 9:00 am, and would have to survive there till 9:00 am the next morning. If he did, we would never hear the end of it!

As the gong sounded nine, he entered the building. The people of the colony slowly went back to their homes. Only a few stayed back on the site to check on Mr. Kapoor. I came back home. In any case, there wasn't anything much for me to do. I was only hoping he'd come back out scared before 9 a.m. That way we'd have less to listen to!

Mr. Kapoor entered the building. The door was too old and almost fell off as he closed it back shut. Cobwebs were dangling all over the place. It had an old, dank smell about it. And although it was daytime, it was quite dark from within. Bats kept fluttering all over the place. And it was silent. You could actually LISTEN to the silence. It also had long, winding stairs upwards.

Having forgotten all his bravado, Mr. Kapoor was starting to feel not-so-brave after all. He still kept reassuring himself, saying "HAH! If they think I will be scared by this building, they are mistaken! This is no better than a child's theme park! This..." WHOOSH! A bat suddenly flew across his face, shutting him up permanently. He could hear the sound of his own heartbeat. (Feeling like a horror movie, Mr. Kapoor?)

He stayed put at that very spot till the evening around 7:00 p.m. It was a full moon night, and the light from the moon peeped through the cracks in the wall and cast itself across the wall adjacent to where Mr. Kapoor was sitting. He was totally petrified, and was praying that 9 a.m. would come really soon.

Suddenly, a large shadow cast across the wall. Mr. Kapoor jumped in fright. It seemed to be a tall creature, but the shadow was blurred. As the creature drew closer, Mr. Kapoor started to sweat. It had long fangs, and two claw-like hands. And it was making the most chilling noises. Wailing away, the shadow came closer to Mr. Kapoor. He got up and began to run up the stairs. (How's your heart NOW, Mr. Kapoor?) No matter how hard he ran, the shadow followed him. He wasn't able to see the creature - only it's horrible shadow.

This cat and mouse chase went on till about 11:45 pm. He STILL wasn't able to see the creature. (What about your boast that only what you SAW you could scare you huh?). He was breathing hard. His so called BRAVE HEART was beginning to work overtime.

DEAD END! There was no further place to run or hide. The shadow grew bigger, the voice became all the more chilling. It echoed throughout the building. The fangs and claws became bigger. Mr. Kapoor was now wide-eyed and totally petrified. And just as the shadow was about to consume him, he fell down with his eyes and mouth wide open.

Mr. Kapoor was dead. Stone dead. Hmmpf! For all those idle boasts! The creature came out of the shadows and rested calmly on his chest. It was nothing more than a cat, clothed under a white sheet.

The next day was All Fools Day. At 9 a.m., everyone waited eagerly for Mr. Kapoor to come out. Talks of his bravery were already doing the rounds. I didn't join in. I was just waiting there, waiting for him to come out and boast.

No sign of him until 9:30. The crowd began to get worried. Everyone wondered whether this was a practical joke on Mr. Kapoor's part. It was then some of the colony elders entered the building in search of Mr. Kapoor.

10 minutes passed, when one of them came out and made the dreaded announcement, "MR. KAPOOR IS DEAD! PLEASE CALL FOR THE POLICE! THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOL JOKE!" Everyone was stunned, shocked, and almost in a state of animated suspension.

While everyone went to call for the police and his family relatives, I sneaked into the building to have a look at his body. I saw it and smiled, wryly. My cat was licking himself, seated right alongside the body.

His mouth and eyes were still wide open. I only had this to say, "APRIL FOOL, Mr. Kapoor. I hope you enjoyed my little surprise. No more idle bragging and irritable boasting from you. So long, and goodbye."

The police came and took away Mr. Kapoor's body. The post-mortem revealed death by shock and extreme mental stress.

Ever since, the building has been labelled as CONDEMNED. No one has ever been allowed to enter it again. But I go to have a look at it everyday. And everyday that I see it, I smile to myself. Because NO ONE knows about this little secret of mine apart from me, my cat... and now YOU. I hope you will keep it to yourself. I hate chatterboxes and people with wagging tongues you know. HAHAHAHAHAHA!